Beginnings

Sometimes you just.... can't seem to find the words to start your new beginning. I spent 5 years writing about foster care. Often times I found that those words, from the inner most chambers of my heart were not audience ready. So they stayed where they were safe, safe from strangers who stumbled onto my blog, safe from the ones I love and know from seeing how truly and completely my heart was breaking from the process of obediently following Jesus. So my blog, and my writing took a back seat. You see it was really easy to write about foster care or adoption when it was in the abstract area of my life. When it was all about reading the training materials and researching other people living a life committed and dedicated to foster care and or adoption. So I took out my pen and pencil and I wrote. Sharing my heart, and my home with my 1.2 audience members. Of course those blogs were also very personal and as in depth as I could manage. Sure I hadn't actually became a foster parent in the beginning, but I had lived quiet a follow after Jesus life. I took and shared some of how God brought us to a place of dependence and probably shared more than my husband cared for me too. Something happened...one Friday night in November 2007 our lives changed. We got our call...a baby boy. He needed us! Our journey started. I proudly blogged about falling in love with our baby boy, and then with surprise on my face and love in my heart, I wrote about falling in love with his mama. Then with devastation and elation married together we said goodbye to our sweet first son as he went back home where he belonged and my blogs, they changed. They became more real, more honest. It was hard to return to a place of obedience but then we found ourselves ready and waiting. Then she came and our lives were changed once more as our hearts grew large enough to accommodate our sweet new baby daughter. In steps our heart remembered, we also did the goodbye grief...yet as beauty comes from ashes and mourning turns to dancing we were able to join together with her mama and Become something more than what we were, we became family! So it went...one little after another, pieces of our hearts scattered through out our county. Solace was found in knowing that the beauty of loving was that by loving and caring these little's ones were given our best while their parents learned how to do the same. Somehow 5 years have passed since we began our journey, 5 Years? Now we are in a new place, a new beginning. Learning to live as a forever family with our newest little who will be staying for just that long. We will have a new set of challenges and a new family dynamic and I find my fingers itching to stretch across my keyboard in that still familiar pattern. The sweetness of writing our story too tempting to pass up on a quiet night. So welcome to our new place, our new beginning. If I have learned anything from where we have been its that my heart feels the most settled and in a place of belonging when I allow my sweet Abba Father to continue to lead me and right now he is leading me and settling me in my home..."He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children." Psalms 113:9 So for today I am going to rest in the goodness of his plan for my life. I don't settle my heart on the pain of infertility, the fear of cancer, the grief of loss. I settle my heart and my hope on a Jesus that came to save, a Father in Heaven who authored my very being, a husband who is a leader and a servant, and children who bless me by calling me mama. Today I can rest in those truths, yet dear friend I do know what it is like to not...if you find yourself here in a spot of fear, grief, pain please know you have a friend in me, for I am as broken as I am whole yet my sweet Jesus brings new mercies each morning. Leave me a comment if I can serve of pray for you...or just to say hi ;)