When life Gets too Comfortable

In February of this year we finalized the adoption of our daughter Amelia. What an incredible moment that was for us. I will not lie; I was a hot mess about it. As in call the attorney every day, panic that something would be missing, cry, laugh, sigh and repeat. I think it’s the nature of this process of adopting through the state. You learn very early on as a foster placement that it is never a good thing to get too comfortable with the way things are because that will be the precise moment that things change. Amelia joined our family at birth but she was 2 years old when we finalized her adoption. If you want to learn more about our fostering journey you can visit my other blog, andreaislaughing.blogspot.com. So now we are resting in the afterglow of the adoption. The judge that finalized our adoption compared it to marriage. When an adoption happens it’s a choice that a family makes to remain together. So with that thought we began to get comfortable and life began to feel safe. We delighted in cutting Amelia’s hair without having permission, not having to document bumps and bruises and leaving the state without formal permission. Life became easy, or at least a tad bit easier. Then it happened, not right away, but now lately it is creeping up on me…..I miss it. I miss being a part of families learning to survive and thrive. I miss watching a mother learn to be just that a mother. I miss holding a sweet newborn in my arms and being a placeholder for their parents while they figure out life. As those thoughts and words fly out of my mouth all I can think is, “my goodness I must be CRAZY!” I better not say this to anyone else or they will definitely order a strait jacket in my size. The truth is this. I am not used to easy, or comfortable. I am conditioned to keeping my house tidy for drop in visits and buying baby clothes at least every year or so. What is not familiar to me is the lack of a baby in my home. I am not complaining. It’s amazing to watch my family become stronger, and more tight knit as we have rest from the emotional tidal wave that is foster family life. Yes something remains there under the surface…the call of loving people where they are at and encouraging them to become more. Holding a sick baby and aiding in making them well. I miss wrapping my arms around a new mom and promising to take good care of her precious baby while she learns for possibly the first time in her life to take care of herself. Go ahead and say it….I will even say it with you….”that’s crazy.” I know…I know….and still. Our family is well and feeling settled. There is plenty of room for everyone and we are committed to truly just enjoying our family. Yet my heart it still longs to be a part of loving people from a broken place and encouraging them in their healing. Praying with moms struggling to let go of a lifetime of shame and accept that healing and redemption do happen. For now I will hold my girls tighter and be an example in their lives. I will be praying that God would meet each of them where they are and show them the path that leads to him. I recently had a personal experience that made me challenge myself to grow as a mama to my girls, that my compassion would be evident and my joy in mothering them obvious. I hope that my kids see Christ in me so that as they choose their paths in life maybe someday they will be a safe landing place for someone in a rough spot. Maybe the face reflecting love and acceptance to someone will be theirs. Right now life feels comfortable...who knows what tomorrow will bring.